In this small amount of collective space on earth, I have learned that no human being can act beyond their own level of consciousness. This I know for sure. Could you have understood that" Your own mother acted according to the way in which her mind had become conditioned by her past? The things she did and the things she failed to do were an expression of her limitations as a human being. She was throughout her whole life in the condition of not being spiritually awakened, and so she was unable to go beyond her limitations. When you recognize this, compassion arises and it becomes possible to forgive ("Forgive them for they know not what they do," to use the words of Jesus on the cross). It also becomes possible now to recognize your grievances as stories that you have been telling yourself in your own mind for many years. The stories are based on the illusion that your mother was conscious when in fact she was not. The emotional pain that you have been experiencing throughout your adult life concerning your childhood was in fact not created by what happened in your childhood, but by the thoughts that your mind produced about it. I believe it is possible for you now to step beyond all those stories, access the power of the present moment and accept the form that this moment takes without judgment and criticism. Step high and move through this pain body and begin to be open to see your own light..and know this for all the time your soul cries, you are so loved.