When that part of your life goes to sleep and leaves you wandering within your inner walls, your darkness becomes both your past and your future. It give hurtful new meaning to a word we all to readily joke of as being *lost*.
For now and forever I will be changed from the knowledge of this unimaginable sadness. My silent prayer, dear one is that this will somehow help me to understand true compassion. It changes what is and what is never going to be. But you still live and breathe inside this walking structure that was once a child growing to become a woman, a body that would become a mothers womb and a body of passion that would become a woman of hope.
To be left to wander on this earth with no identity, no recognition of your purpose, who you are, what you were and who you still want to be is death without dying. Those who love you are left in sadness, in grief of the death of a living soul. I wonder if you even feel the hurt or does the aura of sadness penetrate your spirit.
I don't know you but I know of your story and I am so saddened. Perhaps you are the shadow that brings forth the fear. As I watch this storm from a distance, I observe how this living death of your spirit will daily affect those around you who are left to honor their commitment of love forevermore. How deep does that promise need to go? It is unthinkable to toss you out like last weeks garbage just because you are now in the way of someone else's happiness, yet what is it that those who are left grasping onto some form of hope supposed to do? This screams with pain.
I would guess that it must feel like someone who is drowning in invisible quicksand and even though there are those strong hands held out to hold onto you, your eyes cannot see through the darkness. And what if that one who gave his promise to you so many years ago to stay by your side and not leave you when you are helpless.... is left on this journey all alone, then God sends an angel to bring the both of you a breathe of life?What would he do?What should he do?
Should one go on without you, is that possible? To leave you spiritually may be the only thing that saves his life.To consider the soul that is still alive inside,yet left to hold on to....what?honor? Who still feels the need to be touched, the need to share that warmth and tenderness that his heart still desires. Even though unthinkable, we have to ask ourselves from a place buried deep inside, "Dear lost one, What would you have us do?" If only you could do scream and cry and kick and beg 'WHY'?
You would not hear the answer, you could not.
As you surely walked your path with those that took for granted that you would either be or not be and those were the choices? Yet you are here, living and breathing in the space of life that does not welcome you anymore. What will you do? What should *they* do? From this space of observance I am humbly left with non-judgment and offer my support for another human being, for this by the grace of God, go I.